The Dao of Parenting: Ancient Chinese Wisdom for Raising Mindful and Resilient Children
This past summer, I found myself working as a landscaper, spending hours tending to plants, shaping gardens, and creating nurturing environments for growth. It was during this time that I picked up Little Sprouts and the Dao of Parenting: Ancient Chinese Philosophy and the Art of Raising Mindful, Resilient, and Compassionate Kids by Erin Cline. As I delved into the book’s teachings, I felt a deep connection between the gentle, mindful approach to parenting it describes, in contrast to my own experiences trying to cultivate clean life in the garden.
I suddenly understood why my mama spent so much time in the garden. It wasn’t just a hobby for her — it was her way of nurturing, of connecting to something greater. Her gardening was about more than plants; it was a metaphor for how she raised me, and now I see how those lessons can guide me in so many aspects of life. Cline’s book opened my eyes to the fact that parenting, much like gardening, is about providing the right conditions for growth and allowing nature to take its course. Here are some of the key insights I’ve taken from this powerful book.
1. Nurturing Children Like Tender Sprouts
Mencius, an ancient Chinese philosopher, compared children to tender sprouts that are shaped by their environment. As a landscaper, this imagery really hit home for me. I learned firsthand how vital it is to care for young plants — giving them the right amount of water, sunlight, and space to grow. The same applies to children. Growth happens naturally when we create supportive environments rather than impose strict rules. My mama’s love for gardening, now clearer to me than ever, was her way of teaching me about patience and the gentle guidance we all need.
2. Flowing with the Dao
Cline beautifully illustrates that parenting is about flowing with life’s natural rhythms, much like the Daoist principle of going with the flow. This summer, I learned that nature can’t be rushed. Plants grow at their own pace, and the same is true for children. The more we resist the urge to control every outcome, the more room we give for authentic development. Parenting, like tending a garden, requires patience, adaptability, and trust in the process.
3. Recognizing Innate Virtues
Cline’s message that children are born with innate virtues — compassion, generosity, individuality — was eye-opening. It’s easy to forget that children already possess these qualities, just as plants contain within them everything they need to grow. Our role as parents or caregivers is to foster these virtues, much like nurturing a plant to its full potential. Working in nature this summer helped me understand how important it is to trust the process of growth.
4. Embracing Uncertainty in Parenting
Landscaping taught me that you can’t control every variable — sometimes things don’t go as planned. The same is true for parenting. Cline’s book reminds us that parenting is full of uncertainties, and the best we can do is embrace them. Rather than trying to force outcomes, we should focus on being flexible and resilient, both in the garden and in life. My mama’s garden was a place of acceptance, where things grew or didn’t, but there was always beauty in the process. Rain or shine. Simple enough.
5. Letting Go of Expectations
As a landscaper, I learned that while we may have visions of how a garden should turn out, nature has its own way. In parenting, as Cline explains, we must let go of rigid expectations of how our children should turn out. Instead, we should support their unique paths. This was another lesson my mama’s gardening subtly taught me — things don’t always go as planned, but they often turn out beautifully in their own way.
6. Mindfulness in Parenting
The act of gardening requires mindfulness — being present in the moment, feeling the soil, observing the plants. Cline’s emphasis on mindfulness in parenting echoes this. As parents, we need to be fully present, not just physically, but emotionally. My summer work in the garden helped me slow down and appreciate how mindfulness nurtures growth in all aspects of life. Even the team grew along with our botanical garden and landscaping techniques.
7. Cultivating Compassion
Working with plants helped me develop a sense of compassion — understanding their needs, adjusting care to suit each one. Cline’s approach to parenting emphasizes the importance of compassion too, especially in responding to a child’s emotions with empathy. Much like plants, children thrive in environments rich in understanding and kindness.
8. Supporting Individuality
No two gardens are the same, and no two children are the same. Cline encourages parents to celebrate their children’s individuality rather than trying to mold them into something predetermined. This resonated deeply with me. Just as each plant has its own requirements, children need individualized support to flourish. I see now how my mama created a space where I could be myself, and this is something I want to carry forward. While my son is already uniquely one of a kind in just about aspect of the term, so are the lessons I am learning from him. Teachers come in all forms. I am thankful to recognize that we as beings should not shy from the idea of being life long leaners. Everyone can teach you something if you approach life with a growth mindset.
9. Redefining Success
Traditional ideas of success often focus on achievements, but Cline challenges us to redefine success in terms of emotional well-being, resilience, and relationships. Working in nature this summer, I learned that success isn’t about perfection — it’s about growth, connection, and creating environments where life can thrive. This mindset shift has been a valuable lesson, and one that I know will shape how I approach future endeavors.
10. Ancient Wisdom, Modern Parenting
What I love most about Little Sprouts and the Dao of Parenting is how it bridges ancient wisdom and modern challenges. Cline draws from the timeless philosophies of Daoism and Confucianism to offer practical guidance for today’s parents. Her insights have made me reflect not only on how I want my parenting to evolve one day but also on how I want to evolve my approach to life in general. Like my mama in her garden, I hope to nurture not just minds, but hearts, with patience, love, and understanding.
Working in the gardening business this summer gave me a newfound appreciation for how the lessons of nature mirror the lessons of parenting. An excellent example of biomimicry if you ask me. Erin Cline’s book has helped me see the connections even more clearly, showing that whether we’re raising children or cultivating plants, the principles are the same — nurture, patience, flexibility, and trust in the natural process of growth. I am thankful for all the growth I have been able to achieve thus far. I hope you are too. Thank you.
